Right after the session on sanctification (or becoming more like Christ) ended, I looked over to the intern sitting next to me. He looked back at me with a sort of stunned glare on his face, slowly turned his head side-to-side, and said, "that wrecked me." The entire room had an air of conviction about it. As we shuffled out of the conference room, I had the strong sensation that we interns had just been spiritually stabbed in our chests, and our self-sufficiency was bleeding all over the place.
We as Christians often see our effort as bridging the daunting gap between our sinful state and God's holiness. We work hard through life striving to get closer and closer to holiness. We sometimes regress; one step forward, two steps back. This legalistic view results in a spiritual roller coaster ride of pride and insecurity.
In actuality, our view of Jesus grows as our view of God's holiness and our own sinfulness grows. Jesus says in Luke 7 that, "he who is forgiven little, loves little." I want to be forgiven much and love much! Christians grow in grace when they see MORE of their sin, when they see how wide and deep the chasm between God and ourselves was before Jesus saved us. We lay aside our striving and look to Jesus for growth. This is how as Christians we can be humble AND confident, not prideful and insecure.
Consider these verses from Paul. Keep in mind that they are listed in chronological order of when he wrote them:
1 Cor 15:9 - "For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God."
Rom 7:24 - "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"
1 Tim 1:15 - "...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost."
We can see that Paul's view of his sin is actually growing! As he grows in faith he feels more of the atrocity of his sin. This is what "wrecked" us in that training session. We all realized that growth comes from the cross of Christ just as much or more than salvation does. As we cease striving, we gain more of him.
It seems like this whole week has been a glorious "unlearning" of precious methods and secret strategies of living the Christian life and doing ministry, and returning to simple faith in Jesus. I rejoice (and selfishly morn) to tell you that the main thing I've learned this week is that I have absolutely nothing to offer the students at Maryland. One campus minister read us the prophecy about Jesus in Isaiah 50:4 which says:
The Lord God has given me
the tongue of those who are taught,
that I may know how to sustain with a word
him who is weary.
Morning by morning he awakens;
he awakens my ear
to hear as those who are taught.
Even Jesus didn't look to himself to be self-sufficient. Even Jesus looks to His father for "a word" to encourage the weary.
If Jesus didn't rely on himself, I certainly can't.
I've realized that the best thing I can do this fall is follow after Christ and ask students to come with me. I'm merely a beggar going to tell other beggars where to find bread.
Please pray that this coming fall, Kristy and I wouldn't look to students, our campus minister, ministry success, or any worldly thing for our worth and sufficiency.
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A Budget Update
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